As Halloween approaches, we’ve gotten lost in the season: the rattling leaves, deepening darkness, lengthening shadows, biting autumn winds. It’s the prime time for scary movies, hoodies, blood, guts, gore, and more.
It’s also the deadline for our novella and collection submission calls, ya fuckin’ slacker.
No, that’s not how many days you have left to live. You’ve got seven days including today to get your work polished and submitted before we close our doors and sift through the victims.
Thursday, October 28 – Monday, November 1 –Kindle US and UK–
The front lines are dwindling and we need fresh meat, so we’re offering DARK INTENTIONS, the first book in Jonathan Edward Ondrashek’s THE HUMAN-UNDEAD WAR dark fantasy vampire trilogy, for free on Kindle US and UK from Thursday, October 28 through Monday, November 1, 2021.
No fear, horror lovers. These ain’t your daddy’s pussy-ass vampires . . .
Click the corresponding image to join the War.
OTHER KINDLE COUNTDOWN DEALS
Thursday, October 28 – Monday, November 1 –Kindle US and UK–
You can finish what you start by also grabbing the second and third books, PATRIARCH and A KINGDOM’S FALL, on Kindle Countdown Deals for 99c/p apiece for the duration of that time. Find out which race survives the War, but make sure you’ve aligned with the right side first . . .
And if seedier, grosser, more extreme short pieces are what make your gumdrop nipples harden, you can nab BITS ‘N’ PIECES for 99c/p as well. Featuring a wide array of styles, topics, and horror subgenres, it’s a great collection to cuddle up to after you’ve disposed of those rotting corpses.
Didn’t WE mention a sexy alien?
Oh, yeah. We did!
We watched the latest season of American Horror Story and, while unimpressed on many fronts, we found ourselves salivating over Angelica Ross’s portrayal of a hybrid human-alien.
Anyway . . . Have an unsafe and evil Halloween, psychos!
No, not that fresh, fetid pile of steaming dog shit which is now the centerpiece of your lawn. That other scent. The one that smells like . . . madness?
Maybe it’s because THE HUMAN-UNDEAD WAR I: DARK INTENTIONS is now available as an audiobook, or because the second in the trilogy, PATRIARCH, has entered production? Either way, you can join the War at your online Audible or iTunes recruiting stations today:
Nah, it’s more than that. The madness is tickling our olfactory receptors and making us giddy.
To celebrate these odd orgasmic feelings, we’ll be offering all Plumfukt titles for 99 cents each on Kindle now through 06/08/21. You can find them all on our Books page.
But that’s not all. During the entire month of June, you’ll have chances to win free promo codes for the first aforementioned Plumfukt audiobook. All you’ll have to do is comment on our Facebook page or tweets from @plumfuktpress when prompted and you’re entered to win. No right or wrong answers. Too fuckin’ easy.
Shit. One sec. I’m cleaning. Allergies. I have to—
Ugh. I hate spring cleaning. How about you? Did you do any this year?
Did it include dusting off original, unpublished manuscripts that might titillate the Plumfukt crowd, by chance?
We only ask because rumor has it we’ll be opening up for novella and collection subs in the near future. (It’s us. We started the rumor.)
We might all be plumb fucked, so let’s revel in it.
Because we like you, we’re offering our titles at steep discounts to celebrate the only fucking holiday that ever matters: Halloween!
Beginning now through 11:59 p.m. CST on Monday, November 1, you can get Jonathan Edward Ondrashek’s first collection of horror shorts, drabbles, and dark poetry for FREE on Kindle! Ranging from extreme horror to psychological to dark comedy, and tackling subjects from depression to racism to climate change, Bits ‘n’ Pieces is sure to leave you with a few goosebumps, boners/moistness, chills, vomit-inducing facial expressions, and things to think on. Grab it now by clicking the pic below.
In addition, all 3 of the Human-Undead War titles are just 99 cents each on Kindle for the same duration . Click the pics below and join the war, before it’s too late.
Celebrate Halloween 2020 the right way by distancing with some well-written horror and dark fantasy, ya sickos!
Our next release has fuckin’ rad artwork that we want to show off.
Behold, the cover for Bits ‘n’ Pieces by Jonathan Edward Ondrashek, with art by Kevin Enhart!
And here’s the synopsis:
24 TALES OF HORROR AND DARKNESS
A horny serial killer realizes his own shallowness when he crosses the wrong stripper. When a souped-up unique Chevy Cavalier’s owner is threatened, the car develops plans of its own. A pizza delivery driver enacts immediate payback against a cheapskate who never tips. Two young siblings learn the difference between imagined horrors and real-world terror. An author’s mind cracks and he takes his rage out on those around him.
The impact of climate change. The ramifications of a second American civil war. Greed. Depression. Racism. Revenge.
These are only a few of the tales and topics covered in Bits ’n’ Pieces, Jonathan Edward Ondrashek’s first collection of horror shorts, drabbles, and dark poetry.
Heed the obligatory warning inside. Bits ’n’ Pieces may push boundaries and is not intended for the weak.
THE BITS ’N’ PIECES * 10 previously published short stories * 2 new shorts not yet published elsewhere! * 8 brand new drabbles (stories of exactly 100 words) * 4 resurrected dark poems
Stay tuned – this bad motherfucker will be available by April 1!
Is your city locked down? Are you on paid leave from the job? Self-quarantined?
Starting to feel like we’re all plumb fucked?
Then you’ve come to the right place.
To combat cabin fever and isolation, The Human-Undead War Trilogy is FREE on Kindle Thursday 03/19 through Monday 03/23!
After wiping your ass with that stockpile of toilet paper (ya fuckin’ hoarder), sink your fangs into this epic dark fantasy/horror vampire trilogy. These vamps don’t sparkle, and COVID-19 won’t stop them from ripping your guts out.
Click the cover images to get your FREE copies now.